For years, I always wondered, what is wrong with me sometimes? Not anything crazy like that or something, but why does certain things happen (and not happen) to me? I always leave myself wondering why things do not usually work out the way I want them to, but I usually always try to remain positive about it, and try to be as least bit negative as possible (which is extremely hard sometimes).
For example, there is this girl I talked to since winter session, and though I didn’t like her at first in a romantic way, but now I started growing some feelings for her. I didn’t want to mess up again like other times with girls, but I still think in the back of my mind, I wont get her (thats negative me talking again). Maybe she will just lie and say that she has a boyfriend, or use that “friend” word. Lets face it— that would kill the whole relationship completely, and you won’t suddenly stop liking her and compromise on just being friends.
My main point is that no matter what I do, no matter how much I change myself in any way, shape, or form, I always end up back to where I started, as that nappy headed black kid who raps and writes music and makes iphone games. Then I scratched my head pulling on one of my curls( I recently texturized my hair), and it still feels nappy as hell. Then I thought, you know what… this is me. I can’t change myself, no matter how much Itry, nor do I want to. at the end of the day, its just me. I shouldn’t have to prove my worth to people who are not worth proving it to. They cant change me, and if they don’t agree with me, they can leave. I can care less at this point. I have to much going on in my life to worry about them. I have that feeling inside me that is saying that something good is going to happen to me very soon, and i have to do everything I can and not quit on myself.
With all that being said, I present you all with…
The first song for this is already done, but I will keep that under wraps until later. Welcome back Nels, this is our year!
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